lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
