the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
