Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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