Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
