Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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