a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
