As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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