Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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