why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
