Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
dude. I can hear the air.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
