Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Drunk is not a location!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
