he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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