so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My balls are so social today.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
