she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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