Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
