Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
