How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
