I seem to have left my pride at pride
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
