how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
