I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
