Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
