I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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