just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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