so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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