i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
