Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
