Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
