ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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