Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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