similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize