I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
