apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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