his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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