i wish peter jackson would direct porn
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I touched a dick in church today
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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