I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize