My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize