This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
