the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
