Me too!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Let's get the cat blown out
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
