just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Are we still banned from the library?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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