i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
