mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
