Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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