i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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