Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
