Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
