she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
