So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
