decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
