I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
