so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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