Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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