feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
