I'm going to jail i love you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
