put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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