How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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