the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
