You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
