I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
