Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
