I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
