She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
