There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
