There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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