sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
