I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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