I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
