I think I died a long time ago.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
