Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
