You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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