Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize