nut hugger
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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