for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
