I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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