she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
