oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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